Murder, sheep,fish,cook, breed, oh my!

The person who invented Facebook is evil. The person who invented Zynga games is just, well, a terrorist! Seriously! What better way to cripple the American population than to get them hooked on FB and all the stupid games! I STRESS! Animals need to be fed, crops need to be harvested, there are bad guys to kill and looting to be done, the fish might die, will my sloth breed okay, and is there enough food cooking to feed the guests because I need a bigger diner!!!!
Yes folks at some point I will have to abandon one or more of these games but the stress of leaving something undone makes me nuts! I visit my son's farm and then feel the need to login as him to take care of the crops he doesn't want to bother with. I train their animals for them too! Where does it stop? Sitting on the computer for hours everyday is just insane.
I challenge the population of the USA to go computer free for just 1 weekend. Could you do it? Walk away? NO CHEATING by using your phone either. I don't think most could do it and I think the drug, alcohol, and tobacco companies would profit as most would turn to some other sort of vice to get them through!
Really the best way to attack America would be to disable the internet. No need to kill us...we would ice each other in an attempt to recreate Mafia Wars!

Bed Bath and Beyond....

Okay the funny thing about blogging is that I tend to compose the BEST blogs in my head as I lay down at night. Hence I have not kept up my pledge to post daily!.
Bedtime is a nightmare for me. Most people lay down at night with the hopes of :
A. Sleeping through the night
B. Sleeping for more than 4 hours in a stretch
c. Sleeping without being kicked and rolled on
D. Sleeping in general
I don't get those high hopes. I know that within a few hours Tristan will want to nurse. Yeah, yeah he is too old to need this in the night but the fight.....just the thought makes me want to go back to bed. Then in comes Jeffrey and Delaney. I used to think a King was large bed.....
Move a child, push a child, shove a child-rah rah rah. It's like a bad HS cheer! I have come to realize that sleep is totally overrated. I have yet to sleep through the night since about Jan 1995 when I began multiple trips to the bathroom to pee when I was pregnant with Casey. Sad but true. I don't hold much hope for it getting better anytime soon as I approach the days of a driving teen and middle age! At least it bothers me less and I look forward to the joy of Facebook games and a good cup of coffee from my Kuerig!

Betty Crocker 1961

After watching my new favorite movie I was inspired to take a long look through one of my favorite cookbooks-the Betty Crocker 1961 edition! Yes 1961 is older than me! You really need to see pics to appreciate it so tomorrow I will take some and finish this post. Let's just say that 1961 was a very different and simpler time that I for one would love to return to. Woman's lib was a conspiracy by men to get women to go to work and run the house! WTF?!!
Til tomorrow....

Okay here is the nearly 50 year old book I am referring to!
It is the be all and end all of finding out stuff on cooking. Simple cooking for the most part. That is not what lured me in though. Here are the photos that, as a kid, had me spellbound.
These are bonbons! You know the thing ladies sit around and eat all day? This is them.
The best part of this book is the opening advice. It states, and I quote, "Every morning before breakfast. comb hair, apply makeup and a dash of cologne. Does wonders for your morale and your family's too! Have a hobby. Garden, paint pictures, look through magazines for home planning ideas, read a good book or attend club meetings. Be interested and you will be interesting!"
See ladies? There was a simpler time when your goal was to keep your house and cook for your family. Where did that time go? Why did women go to work and then come home and do all that crap as well? I am here to tell you that I am happy to be a "homemaker" and it is NOT at all fulfilling and easy most days. If you want to feel better about it I suggest watching Brothers and Sisters. Nora summed it up this weekend when she said that she only needed to look at her kids to know that her life's work was worth something! Amen Nora!

Julie and Julia

So here I sit in my comfy chair on a FREEZING day watching this movie. It occurs to me that as stupid as it seems this is quite a cute movie with purpose. I see Julie's ambition to achieve a simple daily task of cooking from a cookbook. Isn't this something we all strive for? Completing tasks? Not like making the bed or putting laundry away(which I should be doing). Just a simple task that means something to the doer! That is the purpose of my blog. I don't know or care who reads it but my goal, albeit a day late, for 2010 is to post SOMETHING daily!
We all do something like this I think. Facebook fanatics play on farmville, yoville, mafia wars...whatever daily. Makes you feel like you accomplished something.
Now of course comes the daunting task of trying to figure out what to write daily. It would be better for me to get off my ass and walk on my new treadmill when I have free time but that is a topic for another day I suppose. But anyway here's hoping for 363 great ideas to blog about for the rest of the year!
Til tomorrow!

Training a Tiger or Raisng a Retard?

Now let me say Webernet that it truly saddens me to write ill of Tiger Woods and I have held my tongue long enough...but here it is.
When Earl Woods(the main source of insanity and probably to blame for a whole lot of shit wrong with Tiger) wrote his book Training a Tiger I doubt he thought it would need to be renamed, Raising a Retard, or Fathering a Freaking Cheater, or even Instructing an Idiot. It seems that the prince of golf has now fallen and can't get up.
First I ask this. WHAT THE HELL was he thinking?! Did he really think that he could screw around and it would remain a secret? Does he not read the news? Obama could crap on the White House front lawn and keep it a secret easier than this!!
Second I need to know why he would risk his reputation for girls who are not nearly as hot as his own wife. Now it very well may be that she is completely frigid and they don't get along in real life. That is still no excuse for cheating but would explain a tiny portion of what is really happening. I think at this point he needs to dish on his private life if there is a chance of saving his reputation. If she is some crazy psycho bitch who has an airtight marriage contract with him then this may have been his only way out. The kids will be hard to explain on any level unless that was her part of the deal.
I feel bad for both of them b/c I dont see how you come back from this. 1 mistress maybe....but now the closet door is bulging with women who say they have a had golf date with the Tiger. And the nightclub that has a room named for him? There is no pitch shot in the world that can get him out of that bunker!
Did his wife kick his ass that morning or perhaps his mother got wind of the truth and decided she had a different method of training a Tiger. We will most likely never know and it will drive the media machine NUTS!
I believe, in my heart, that Earl Woods irrevocably screwed his own kid up. Who could possibly be that perfect and driven to succeed and not have a screw loose? Has he ever been able to screw up? Is he allowed to show his flaws? Not in today's world. As many people as there are supporting you there are waiting to kick you when you are down. (This particular group is surely growing under the leadership of Ernie Els)
Perhaps this was all a big temper tantrum on Tiger's part? Perhaps he is taking lessons from Jon Gosselin and wants to recapture his youth( that got taken from him by golf)? At some point he will have to talk to the media in some form and I seriously hope that the person at the reigns of that interview is someone with integrity like Katie Couric or Matt Lauer...even Oprah at this point.

When I grow up...

I am sitting here watching Weeds, only the BEST freakin show ever made and I have decided that I want to be Mary Louise Parker. Not because she has a size 4 ass and waggle free upper arms , damn skinny biotch, but because she makes being stressed sexy. She really works it! My stress just makes me eat more, grow a bigger ass, and yell at my kids. Not at all sexy. Reality lacks the appeal that TV shows have. I guess I would prefer a life with a husband and kids that respect me instead of losing my husband suddenly...of course if he were to drop dead jogging, which will never happen since he doesn't jog, but anyway I wouldn't need to sell weed...just invest the 2 million I got from the insurance. Of course if he were to say, oh get hit by a car while jogging, I would be sitting on 4 million and typing this from St. Thomas.
So tonight I took my son over to his friend's house and they boarded a limo party bus to go to dinner and the Home Coming dance. WTF? A limo for a dance? Apparently this is common place with this family who live here in town while also owning a house in the country on a mere 50 acres. Dude just love telling that story...blah blah blah...look at me Mr. Wonderful crazy ass Jehovahs Witness bragging douche...hey he can be Douche bag of the Day!! My first one! Yes he qualifies for sure. Over and out audience...off to bed.

I love Phil

Let me just say that have now discovered Philip DeFranco(one "l" in Philip please) and I am loving his vlogs!! This guy says what we all think and it is high time that we all express ourselves just a bit more honestly like Phil does.
Phil even goes as far as to crown the "douchebag of the day." That is an award that I feel they should create those nice car magnets for. You could just slap one on the asshole neighbor's car and he could drive off the work with the world knowing just what a complete douche he really is. I think I may have to buy one of these for the ass nextdoor.

Anyway, Phil is by far the funniest guy on the internet and you will surely enjoy watching his M-Th vlogs. Check him out!