Just for laughs

I got these in an email and thought they were post worthy:

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS. And some of them are named Tom-heehee

Exercise-the new four letter word

I freakin hate exercise. I'm not going to lie and try to convince people that sweat running down my crack is exciting or desirable. I do now know that it has become a necessary evil now that I am getting older. I look at my 92 yr old grandmother and see the extreme of the progression of aging and how she has given up fighting for her mobility and strength. At some point you have to make the decision to pick your ass up and start fighting for your health.
Turning 40 has become very enlightening in that respect. Having a baby at 40 really popped on a spotlight! You just don't bounce back after having a baby at 40. You also don't lose the weight with children 4-6 as you did with 1-3. Sad but true. I find myself fighting the battle of the bulge yet again. (disclaimer to say I am not as fat as the redheaded freak that Ford boy sent to spy on me on Twitter) I hate this battle but I consider what life will be like in a few years if I don't get in gear now.
A dear friend suggested the Wii active. I would like to kick her ass but my damn legs are too sore today so she is safe. It is a really fun way to get moving and burn calories without thinking too much. I started the 30 day program and will be glad to report at the end of 30 days how things went. I really like the boxing and volleyball but hate running in place and the inline skating. It is much like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant. You have to do it to get that comment. I plan on doing the low intensity for this 30 days and then moving up to med for 30 and then high for 30. That is 90 planned days of physical activity and may be the longest exercise commitment I have ever made. No one hold their breath please.
Now if there were a pill or machine that you just could get on to lose the inches and pounds I would trade....well just about anything for it! I may even be so desperate that I would turn in my Odyssey for a Ford Focus! Now that's desperate and sad! Sorry-had to.

I hate liars

Yes this another Jon and Kate post. Why not beat a dead horse, shall we? Kate must be distantly related to dear old JJ's dad as she has a penchant for lying. Add to that exaggerating, bullying, and denial.
I have DVR'd the recent shows and have some points to share. First of all she has spent so much time focusing on the bad behavior of Mady and the goodness of Cara that Mady is a freakin mess. The Globetrotter episode was so classic Mady. This is not fair, I hate that...blah blah blah. Well she is Kate after all. For all that saw that show you will notice that Jon has to justify to the camera the time he is spending on the computer at the advice of his insurance agent. Seriously? What could he possible need to look up that he can't get advice on from the guy? Porn sites is my guess. You go Jon! Anything on screen would be warmer than your wife. Oh and the gooshing kisses that Kate is placing on one of the boys...puleeze. Is that for the camera or what? She is so "look at me I'm a great mom" in public and a wretched banchee at home. Give it a rest Kate.
What else does Kate lie about....hmmmm...just about everything. Her whole demeaner is a fake. Does she really cook all those glorious meals? Doubtful. Hell she can't even make soup with kids in the house. When has she EVER done anything with the kids under foot come to think of it. Poor Jon is just another babysitter. She refuses to use a Nanny. Well that would make her look bad so Jon just got the job.
I know some people weren't happy with Jon for leaving her to plan the kids' party. Well that is just so freakin sad. When was the last time my DH helped with a b-day party? NEVER really. That ain't on his list and I handle it. She then dragged all of the kids to the party store to get decorations. Well first of all why didn't you just order the crap online and stay away from the public eye considering the shit going on? Oh, my bad. She needs to look like the martyr. Why wasn't Jon there? Easy. He didn't want to do a big huge party and she did. Can you see how that conversation went? Tough shit Jon. How all conversations go. I think I may try that for a few weeks and see how DH takes it.
Whether he cheated or not that marriage needed a wake-up call. They have different agendas. She wants all the fame, fortune, and perks. Who wouldn't? Seriously. If someone came to me tomorrow and said they wanted to pay me to capture all of our crazy shit on tape I would so take the $$. It would NOT be all happy organic and no lollipop life for sure. Hell my kids have potatoe chips for breakfast some days! Ummm how is that different than a freakin hashbrown? That's why God created vitamins afterall.
Sadly the show can and probably will go on without him. It might be good for people to see the mess that is divorce. Perhaps they would think twice about getting married and avoid disaster. It may be a learning experience for all of us. Only the poor kids are the ones that get hurt here. I would love to sit down with Kate's brother(who is now opening up all the juicy details) and get Kate's history of behavior. Was she really this nutty all the time or did motherhood push her over the edge? I know I am freakin crazy at times but I can't blame it on six kids or my DH.
That being said maybe all they need is Ford Focus to patch the marriage! Sorry couldn't help myself. Perhaps another child they can name Tristyn! Freakin losers.

McCain lost...get over it

It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who just can't get past the fact that Obama won. Personally I voted for him. Not only is he a history making president but he genuinely cares. That is not to say that McCain doesn't care. He just picked an idiot running mate. I said it once and I will say it again. If she can't run her own house she shouldn't be trying to run a country. Go home Sara! Your freakin daughter has a kid as the result of her bad judgement. And the father's family....how many ways can you say WHITE TRASH? But I digress.
The economy sucks right now and so many people are struggling. Will throwing money at it help? Maybe, maybe not but what else can the President do? If he let this very predictable downturn run its course the nation would be screaming to impeach him. Things will pick up b/c they have to. It's a cycle. The housing market had such a huge bubble it would be impossible to think it would not burst at some point. We live in one of those great big upside down mortgage houses but we made this bed and are dealing with it. What else is there to do?
What people need to do now is ask themselves what they can do. Maybe they need to change careers. Perhaps they need to move to an area that offers more in the way of diverse employment. Gone are the days when a small industry can run a town. I think we have learned that the hard way. Does it suck? Sure does. I have a really great friend whose DH has been unemployed since December. Is there a chance his job will reappear? Not really. So what does my beloved friend do? There are only 2 options. Find different work or move. Now I would LOVE for her to move near me of course but that would be hard since she is near her family. Her DH can continue to pick up work where he can but there is larger picture here. You need to consider health insurance, retirement, and security. Those are also things that have been hacked away at by the downturn. Some super hard decisions need to be made by people all over America. There are jobs and fields that remain relatively unaffected. I think many of them used to be those required college but some of them don't. Companies like Wal-Mart flourish in these times since they offer the lowest prices around. I hate Wal-Mart in my town since I am neither a NASCAR or tattoo type of person..but that's just me. You really can't beat them for prices though. I worked for Wal-Mart in grad school in the photo lab. They offer benefits and good ones at that. I exercised the stock purchase option which would be a great deal right now with the market down. It really isn't the best place to work but let's be honest here for a minute. The average IQ there isn't very far over "just plain dumb".
What my friend's misfortune has taught me that frugality isn't punishment and "things" don't define you. I sit here looking at my Nordstrom card longingly.....considering whether to buy the girls their annual pair of UGGS this fall. I think about the current GAP sale and wonder what great deals and cute clothes I may be missing. Then I think about the stress that comes with selling the clothes and stain removal. This summer I took a new attitude and shopped mostly at Old Navy and Crazy 8. We still have loads of GAP and some Boden...but the need to sell the clothes to recoup money is gone. Spend less and worry less. It is very liberating and I really hope to continue the trend for fall.
I love my friend and really wish she could move near me. Perhaps she will! I only ask that her DH leaves his family behind! LOL

If he weren't cute he'd be dead

I think that often about my 3 yr old son. There are days that he pushes me to the brink and back. What goes on in the mind of a 3 yr old boy? What possesses him to flush stuff down the toilet? Climb with his hands and feet into the cleaning lady's mop bucket? Roll on his brother? Color on the wall? Go get himself a Vitamin Water at 1 am and bring it to me to open? We'll never know. This little boy does stuff the older 2 never did. He knows how to pop popcorn in the microwave for crying out loud! WHAT HE SEES HE CAN DO! (I plan on blindfolding the baby here shortly to keep him out of the loop) There's no hiding things or tricking this little boy about anything. When you are number 5 you learn to run with the big dogs I guess.

Right now he is tired. He is laying on the love seat watching Special Agent OSO on Disney channel trying to keep his eyes open. That is my desperation move when he needs a nap. TV! Soon his lids will begin to droop and his head will flop and there will be peace in the house at least for a few hours. I will glance over at him as I have done many times and think, "He's so cute and that's what keeps me from killing him some days! LOL". Soon enough he will start preschool and then be off to Kindergarten and I will long for the days he was under my feet. Cherish these days I hear over and over again. I'm trying I really am!

Jon and 8 Hate Kate

This is what I would have named the show. I seriously doubt that immature "man" wanted sextuplets. Let's not pretend that Kate had no clue that a large number of babies would result from that pregnancy. She of all people knew what 4+ stimulated follicles could yield yet she went ahead with the IUI anyway. SHE WANTED another set of multiples so stop crying shock about it. That being said, Jon needed to be man enough to step up. They had kids way too early in their relationship. If he knew what she was really like I doubt things would have ended up the way they are now.
She isn't pleasant plain and simple. She is controlling, bossy, and a nag. It is no wonder that all of their "best friends" have since gone to the wayside. They can't take her...that and she no longer has a need for them. Once she is done with someone she casts them aside if you ask me. All the cavalry that charged in has been dismissed because there is only 1 General in this army.
Jon is a baby. He has let Kate walk all over him for years and has been humiliated in front of millions for the sake of $$$ and the fame Kate wants. She is the show for crying out loud and laps up the fame like a puppy.
The kids? Oh they are just unhappy pawns in all of this. She pimps them out. Madelyn is the outright brat who is so desperate for attention and validation I feel like sending her a one way ticket to the Dr Phil show. Cara...well who the hell is she? We know very little except that she is Kate's helper who is living in the shadow of her nutty twin. The sextuplets are super cute but may need to join Maddy with Dr Phil. Kate labeled and categorized them early on and they have little chance of changing how she sees them. They are who she says they are.
Did Jon cheat. Probably, or at least he tried. If the pic of him leaving that girls house in the AM are real then he was caught red-handed and Kate is right-he's mad about getting caught. What did the fool think? The media would overlook it?
I almost feel bad for Kate. No one deserves that and NO she did not drive him to it. She may have driven a wedge between them that created his lack of caring but he made his own choices. In the end I'm not sure who the kids would be better with. Kate will keep them safe and healthy, at least physically. Mentally they may be better off with Jon. He may even let them mix Playdo colors!

maybe I need to clarify..

we haven't owned a Toyota in years....but if we did buy another it would be their Lexus brand. We also don't rule out Volvo and BMW.
Now I really wonder why some people avoid imports. Is it Freudian? Is there an underlying cause that makes people shy away from things brought in and not originally from here? Interesting really. Good thing not everyone feels that way or some people would be ....well we won't go there.

The value of a dollar

Recently money has become a big topic in our house. "Will I get paid for it?" has become a very common question. Excuse me? You live here and are fed and clothed! No you won't get paid to do that! What is up with kids needing money to do the smallest task? Mow the lawn, wash the car(and I mean really wash and not just go through the motions in order to have a water fight), do household chores REGULARLY without being begged....stuff like that deserves a bit of a payment. However, if you are asked for the 20th time to put your shoes in your cubby, or you backpack in your cubby, or to simply pick your freakin dirty underwear off the floor...no payment. Payment is the fact that I have not yet killed you for having to repeat myself so many times.
Money has become the be all and end all of society it seems. Chasing it has become a fulltime job and hobby of most Americans. I like money and lots of it. I like designer clothes, my new Honda van with becoup bells and whistles, my big 'ole pool in the back yard, vacations to Hilton Head and Disney every year....you see where I am going with this. I don't see the need to worship money or act like I have something I don't have. These are the people that REALLY annoy me. We do need to reign in the spending and teach the value of a buck to our kids. DS thinks that when he gets his license he should be getting a new car. Now granted I see a small, but new import in his near future, but certainly not a 350z or something radical like that. Momma will be balding tires on her convertible sports car long before he gets one! Saving and prioritizing need to become more frequent topics in our house. Do I NEED it or just WANT it? What are all of my options? I see the need to create responsible spenders. Too many times people take short cuts to avoid being responsible..oh say insurance fraud or the popular walking away from the debt, but what does that teach the person? NADA freakin thing. Even worse it perpetuates a sense of bad money management that is passed on to the children. If you run up the bills pay the damn bills! We can live on very little when needed. Common sense people!

You make it look so easy

if only I had $1 for every time I heard that! It is by no means easy having 6 kids and I will never try to say otherwise. I do often say that it is downhill from number 3 as that seemed to be the hardest transition for me. I think I have just learned to let more go, drink wine more often, and laugh at myself more. Seriously, 6 kids? That's nuts from even where I am standing. I laugh at the show Jon & Kate plus 8. Just ridiculous really. Does she think 8 kids is that many? The Duggars could teach her a few things-like being nice for one. What I wouldn't give to only have had to be pregnant 2 times, potty train 3 times(she did the little boys/girls in 2 rounds), and to have a whipping boy as a husband. Her life really is a TV show...but I digress.Cooking, cleaning, laundry all would happen no matter how many kids we have so I really don't dwell on that. The amount of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry is what kills me. Diapers since 1995 is what kills me. Not sleeping through the night since late 1994..well that would kill most people but not me. LOLTime management is the hardest part especially with T being so ....babyish! Silly 5 month old! I get little done and when I do that is only doomed when you add in my serious ADD. Complete a task I cannot! The mess is visually assaulting at times but I can't stress about it. Little J destroys as much as I can clean up and more. Why bother until they have all gone to bed?! Well by that point I am too tired to pick up and it falls on DH who I know just loves me for it. As far as making it look easy..well I just think that the kids are used to being good in public, seriously. For the most part they behave badly just for us! I am okay with the noise and chaos that comes with 6 but it probably throws some people for a loop to witness our dinner table or watch us pile out of the van. I guess we are a site but as they say, "Better to have your hands full than empty!".
Then there are people who have kids dispite the reality that they can't afford them. Not that the government should sanction them but seriously who pays for all of the extra little tax burdens? Not the people who declare bankruptcy and walk away from debt and resposibility! Perhaps the government should say, "well if you can't pay your bills why are you bringing another mouth to feed into the world?" maybe if you suddenly found the means to have more kids you should repay a bit of that debt? No? Will these children seriously stand a chance of having the best of anything? Yes one can claim time spent with them, love, blah, blah, blah. But really what you are doing is repeating a cycle of irresponsible behavior and fortifying the need for government programs and aid that certain walks of life have become experts at exploiting. white trash

The power of numbers...

Different numbers have different meanings in my life in strange ways. Take the number 6. Obviously the number of heads I must account for when we venture out so that I don't leave anyone behind! It is also the number of beds to be made since T currently shares ours. It is on average the number of pairs of M's shoes laying out of her cubby and not in, the number of gallons of koolaid we seem to go through in a week(made with Splenda of course), the number of seats in a full row on the airplane( but now life is messy because we spill over into a another row leaving 2 lucky flyers to have some semblance o f peace and quiet), it is also the number of eggs I boil at one time and are quickly scrafed down by little J&D who only eat the white, and it is the number of times per day I have to remind myself that little J is not inherently evil and put on this earth to vex me to no end!I WISH it were the number of meals I needed to fix each week, the number of loads of laundry we do each week, and the number of vacations we took each year! A girl can dream can't she?
Then there are other numbers that have meaning. 1 is the number of bears that jump out in front of cars, if it really even did happen, and the number of trailers burned and dirtbikes stolen. 4, maybe more, is the number of cars that spontaneously combust! Not sure how that happens but I hear global warming may have something to do with it. 5-6 is the number of years that one can get sentenced with for losing the dirtbike twice-oops.
No matter how you look at numbers they all have a strange meaning in your life. Just look really hard and you will see!