Training a Tiger or Raisng a Retard?

Now let me say Webernet that it truly saddens me to write ill of Tiger Woods and I have held my tongue long enough...but here it is.
When Earl Woods(the main source of insanity and probably to blame for a whole lot of shit wrong with Tiger) wrote his book Training a Tiger I doubt he thought it would need to be renamed, Raising a Retard, or Fathering a Freaking Cheater, or even Instructing an Idiot. It seems that the prince of golf has now fallen and can't get up.
First I ask this. WHAT THE HELL was he thinking?! Did he really think that he could screw around and it would remain a secret? Does he not read the news? Obama could crap on the White House front lawn and keep it a secret easier than this!!
Second I need to know why he would risk his reputation for girls who are not nearly as hot as his own wife. Now it very well may be that she is completely frigid and they don't get along in real life. That is still no excuse for cheating but would explain a tiny portion of what is really happening. I think at this point he needs to dish on his private life if there is a chance of saving his reputation. If she is some crazy psycho bitch who has an airtight marriage contract with him then this may have been his only way out. The kids will be hard to explain on any level unless that was her part of the deal.
I feel bad for both of them b/c I dont see how you come back from this. 1 mistress maybe....but now the closet door is bulging with women who say they have a had golf date with the Tiger. And the nightclub that has a room named for him? There is no pitch shot in the world that can get him out of that bunker!
Did his wife kick his ass that morning or perhaps his mother got wind of the truth and decided she had a different method of training a Tiger. We will most likely never know and it will drive the media machine NUTS!
I believe, in my heart, that Earl Woods irrevocably screwed his own kid up. Who could possibly be that perfect and driven to succeed and not have a screw loose? Has he ever been able to screw up? Is he allowed to show his flaws? Not in today's world. As many people as there are supporting you there are waiting to kick you when you are down. (This particular group is surely growing under the leadership of Ernie Els)
Perhaps this was all a big temper tantrum on Tiger's part? Perhaps he is taking lessons from Jon Gosselin and wants to recapture his youth( that got taken from him by golf)? At some point he will have to talk to the media in some form and I seriously hope that the person at the reigns of that interview is someone with integrity like Katie Couric or Matt Lauer...even Oprah at this point.

When I grow up...

I am sitting here watching Weeds, only the BEST freakin show ever made and I have decided that I want to be Mary Louise Parker. Not because she has a size 4 ass and waggle free upper arms , damn skinny biotch, but because she makes being stressed sexy. She really works it! My stress just makes me eat more, grow a bigger ass, and yell at my kids. Not at all sexy. Reality lacks the appeal that TV shows have. I guess I would prefer a life with a husband and kids that respect me instead of losing my husband suddenly...of course if he were to drop dead jogging, which will never happen since he doesn't jog, but anyway I wouldn't need to sell weed...just invest the 2 million I got from the insurance. Of course if he were to say, oh get hit by a car while jogging, I would be sitting on 4 million and typing this from St. Thomas.
So tonight I took my son over to his friend's house and they boarded a limo party bus to go to dinner and the Home Coming dance. WTF? A limo for a dance? Apparently this is common place with this family who live here in town while also owning a house in the country on a mere 50 acres. Dude just love telling that story...blah blah blah...look at me Mr. Wonderful crazy ass Jehovahs Witness bragging douche...hey he can be Douche bag of the Day!! My first one! Yes he qualifies for sure. Over and out audience...off to bed.

I love Phil

Let me just say that have now discovered Philip DeFranco(one "l" in Philip please) and I am loving his vlogs!! This guy says what we all think and it is high time that we all express ourselves just a bit more honestly like Phil does.
Phil even goes as far as to crown the "douchebag of the day." That is an award that I feel they should create those nice car magnets for. You could just slap one on the asshole neighbor's car and he could drive off the work with the world knowing just what a complete douche he really is. I think I may have to buy one of these for the ass nextdoor.

Anyway, Phil is by far the funniest guy on the internet and you will surely enjoy watching his M-Th vlogs. Check him out!

It's just another manic mornin

My mornings may be the freakin death of me I swear. It starts off with me sneaking out of bed to make some coffee while hoping that the baby doesn't roll off our ridiculously high mattress and kill himself. As soon as I get it made I dash back upstairs to retrieve him b/c 9 out of 10 times he is stirring at this point. I swear my kids have radar when it comes to my ass. Anyway, with coffee in hand I begin to scroll through what has been recorded on the DVR. Doesn't sound bad does it? Well at 6:20 the fun begins.
Down to the basement I trek with baby in tow. Casey get up. Casey get up. Casey get up. It is not until I see him rise vertically out of the bed and begin walking toward the shower that I feel it is safe to go back up the stairs. Like his father he has the ability to fall back into a deep coma-like sleep before my feet hit the top step if I leave too soon. I have about 10 more minutes before he comes up and I begin trying to find something to accompany his cherry coke or frappacino. Yes at the rip old age of almost 14 he needs his morning caffeine rush! We sit together and watch recorded episodes of South Park and chuckle. Does anyone understand half of what Cartman says or even 1/10 of what Kenny says?
He leaves at about 7:05 to make the short walk over the HS. Then the real fun begins. Time to wake the other 4-oh joy.
Now why is it that every morning I must ask the same questions? WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST? DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH? Now my kids have a very large variety of items to pick from in the morning. Waffles, pancakes, cereal, poptarts, toast, eggs, fruit....am I missing something? Why is that not sufficient? My next favorite battle is packing lunch/and or snack. Same deal. I have a overly stocked pantry yet no one finds anything the like. I scramble to get 3 kids out the door by 8:15. It really irks me to no end that they go up to their rooms yet forget to brush their teeth. And don't tell me you did and think for a minute that I won't go check your toothbrush after you leave! Who the hell would want to go to school with a mouthful of overnight fungus you ask? My kids don't seem to mind but you can sure bet their friends care! Nasty. Between missing socks and hairbrush, that I swear has leg, I am betting my blood pressure is 180/100 by the time the bus rumbles down the street!
Jeffrey is the last out the door and he gets dropped at preschool. God bless the preschool that takes this little terror off my hands for 3 hours in the morning! They even meet you at the car to get them out and then puts them back in when you pull up. Kind of like drive-thru service! Very nice when the baby is asleep in the car. I have 3 hours to get my self organized and clean-up the now wrecked kitchen. It's just another manic morning!!

Posers-No longer for me

This term is a favorite of my 14 year old son. A poser is simply someone who pretends to be something they know nothing about. For instance, a" mother" who pretends to obsess about cleanliness and germs yet one look at the kids and you know the real deal. The "father" who doesn't want to see the really inappropriate behaviors of his children and hasn't the balls to stand up to his wife to discipline them. The "husband" who bitches about his wife and kids whenever they aren't around. The "DIL" who puts on the happy family face when around the IL's and really hasn't had a genuine relationship with them since ...well never. Why must we be posers? Why do we put this burden on ourselves to be something we aren't? And most of all when someone no longer wants to be a poser must they be the bad guy? Seriously since when has living a genuine life been bad?
I used to be that person who had to smooth over family strife and play nice. Not so much anymore. If I get called on the carpet for admitting that I really don't prefer to spend time with my extended family then so be it! If I have nothing in common with them why should I? It isn't like they would really care if I fell off the face of the earth anyway. I have no need to write in code or make subtle accusations. I have tried to keep the good relations with my family and absolutely will no longer try. Here are some of the burning questions that need to be answered:

1. Why don't I visit? Well first of all there is nothing in NY that interests me and I have 6 very active kids who need me here as I run the house. Some of us pretend to run the house and put all of the work off on our husbands-that's not me. Where do you put 8 people? Not in a small ass house. Do I really want my kids picking up some really nasty bad behavior habits? No. Do my kids even want to spend time with their cousins-not really. Lastly is the fact that I really don't want to be where I am not welcome.

2. Are my kids normal? Yes as a matter of fact they are very normal. I see very little behaviors that would lead me to raise a red flag in them. I discipline them and nurture them. I do not coddle and ignore behaviors that are EXTREMELY inappropriate. I crack the whip and make them act their ages-plain and simple.

3. Am I a hypocrite? No. I simply speak my mind and call a spade a spade. My family is full of spades who prefer to see themselves as diamonds.

4. Who really deserves my time? My family living at 699 Gold Cup Dr. That's all the people who have earned it. As far as I can tell all that are outside these walls are posers who kiss ass to look good and really aren't genuine. The few exceptions live in PA and TX and they know who they are!
Ask me how I really feel.

Tori and Dean

I truly love this show. The relationship between them is just glorious at times. Tori is out there about a lot of things as is Dean. The episodes that feature dog poop are priceless. Sometimes I see Tori as a daughter. There are times I want to shake her and tell her that she needs to stop looking for her mother to validate her because it will never happen. It took me 38 years to get it myself. She has a jealous mother. I know because we have that in common. Dean is a great husband who treats Tori like a woman. She is a hands on mom that has made a name for herself in Hollywood and is not just someone's wife. I don't ever recalling hearing Candy Spelling's name until it was mentioned in correlation with Tori. Her book sales will only occur as a result of the feud with her daughter. As a stand alone Candy Spelling is pretty much nothing and resents Tori. Once Tori realizes that she will move on. I want to hold her at times and tell her that as long as she keeps in her mind that she wants to be different than her mom she will. It will be a struggle at times though to block out the negativity and darkness that she grew up with. Children learn what they live and she needs to realize that she has to undo some of the damage and learn to forgive herself when she finds herself slipping into Candylike habits. Perhaps her mom thought she was doing a good job? Another area I can relate to.
As a peer I see her a working mom who has a great sense of humor and lucky to have a wonderful man and cute kids. If I ran into her on the street I doubt I would even consider an autograph. I just don't see her as a celebrity for some reason. I am in no way knocking her achievements or success! I just see her as a mom to Stella and Liam because that is where we have so much in common. I would more be interested in hearing her views on my decorating and finding out what she reads!

"Vacation" the play

Vacation this summer ended up being much like a classic Shakespearean play. The colorful cast of characters explains it all.
Father-in-law: Oblivious to the rest of the world, avid TV watcher who has no clue that people like channels other than CNN and old movies, diabetic who eats total crap he shouldn't and really large quantities of...well just about anything, deaf as a door nob except to hear that dinner is ready, first to the food always and takes as much of everything before anyone else without regard to the fact that we need to feed 13 people,exceptionally hairy and gross in many ways.
Mother:the model martyr who loudly talks about things to annoy people("well I don't really watch that much TV" or "Grandma can help you as soon as I get some of everyone's laundry done", currently on break from her ongoing life long role as the Shrew in the play, "The Wimp and the Shrew"(also starring my dad), low carb wannabe who proclaims not to eat certain things but always seems to eat everything in front of her, the total hypochondriac who after a real brush with illness was ready to "end it all" if her health did not improve(oh please), self proclaimed vacation laundress and cook because I apparently can't manage to do those tasks myself, starts every sentence with, "Since I was sick last summer....", hypocrite who favors my youngest sister and literally RAN to answer the phone incase it was her(yes mom there is caller ID for missed calls), feels the need to interject her 2 unwanted cents into every situation possible, finds a way to refute or knock everything I manage to say b/c I have yet to learn that I will never get validation about ANYTHING, expert on many topics even if she has only done it/seen it/ been there once.
Father: currently on break from his role of the Wimp yet still managing to hang on to all the character traits, has acquired selective deafness to keep him from killing his wife, total cookie sneaker lest he get nagged about eating things her shouldn't(athough the nag constantly "tries" pieces of things as if they are new and she has never seen them before), horrible at family gatherings where he bitches about noise and chaos(don't go anywhere with me then), guilty of road rage often, oblivious of how to make his mate of 45 years happy( but then this may be one of life's mysteries up there with "what came first the chicken or the egg"), bithces 99% of the time behind my mother's back(hence the name wimp).
The kids: Normal every day kids who are guilty of things that most kids yet seem to be treated as if they aren't. Since when is pushing buttons, badgering, manipulation, and throwing fits not normal?
Husband:Kind and helpful, yet in denial about how horrible beach vacations are for the mother of an infant who hates the car, heat, and sun, insistent on packing up freakin golf clubs in a crowded van to play one lousy time because this is a BEACH vacation, not a GOLF vacation, has learned to cut down the MIL successfully since she won't fight with him.
Me: painfully short tempered at times with my kids and DH out of frustration, has yet to learn that her relationship with her mother will be much like Tori and Candy Spellings except that we see each other all the time, needs to let go of trying for the perfect family vacation as it will never happen, will never again vacation with parents on either side as the pain is not worth it AT ALL.

So that is the cast and you can guess how the week went just by the character descriptions. Sad.

A Few of my Favorite Things

Okay I am not trying to jack Oprah's idea here but as a mom there are a few things I feel that most of us couldn't live without!
First let me say that this post is not for the young and motherless as you may start to feel bile rise into your throat as you read this. "Can life really be this pathetic after kids?" you will ask. "You have no idea" will be the answer! Before kids I would have had a cool list of things including Starbucks paper cup wraps or those neat little things that go over your high heel tips to prevent you from sinking into the ground at the outdoor party. Sorry but those days are gone so deal with it. I have.
So my first favorite thing is the ziploc bag. Now it doesn't have to be a particular brand, although the pricier brands are better in my opinion. This bag works wonders in so many different ways! Stank diaper in the car while traveling? Zip it. Vomit in the car? Zip it. Ice for a scraped knee? Temporary home for the goldfish won at the county fair? A place to store those ridiculously small toy parts that you will inevitably step on and curse at? ZIP IT!! I can only assume that this crafty, although not environmentally friendly, little critter was devised by a desperate mom but probably not.

My second is the cherry pitter! Oh now I really have your attention! Yes there is such a thing that I picked up in Bed Bath & Beyond. This would fit in the BEYOND category since it is far beyond anything that you would use in the bed or bath and is ridiculously indulgent. Anyway, this little device is so wonderful I cannot gush enough about it! I seriously hate dealing with cherries and the pit mess that the kids leave behind and fret about how to get cherries into fruit salad without leaving someone with a broken tooth or choking! Problem solved. Just put it in, press down, and the pit is poked out no problemo! Seriously a great little invention.

The last is coupons. Oh how I love my coupons! Not in the Kate Gosselin MUST USE A COUPON ON EVERYTHING OR DIE kind of way but just as game to save money. Why more people don't use these is beyond me! Just having learned how to "read" a coupon has made this even more fun but that is topic of my next post. Coupons are money in your wallet! A $1 Q(as we savvy couponers call them) is like a dollar in your hand! They even put them in the store hanging by the product for crying out loud! Attach them to the product even! They all but beg you to buy the damn product from them for less money. If you save $5 each week then in one year you can pocket over $250!!! That's a Coach purse ladies!

Clothing Boards

I will admit it! I belong to several of these boards and they are for the totally sick. Obsessing about kids clothes and when the next sale will be. Seriously people get a life! The worst by far if Gymbofriends. Some of these seriously need to step back from the screen and take a look at what they have been reduced to. No one, and repeat no one but you gives a flying fig about what your kid is wearing.
Now that being said I also admit that I obsess over what my kids wear. There is something to be said for fist impressions. I hate dirty children...except when they are playing outside of course! Hey, I'm no Kate the great! I like my kids to go out looking neat, coordinated, and most of all clean. I have a friend whose DD puts on some of the nastiest outfits and sometimes has the greasiest hair. Tyrolean Lure jeans with a Freshly Picked top-yuck! What is that about? This is the same child that picks on my DD for wearing heels and dresses and skirts. What can I say? Oldest DD likes to "pop"! She is a performer and loves attention and most of all won't go out of the house unless she matches...thank GOD! As a former teacher I have to say you do notice those things. Sad but true.
I find the more time I spend on the boards the more money I spend. My friends like that I have inside scoop about sales, couponing deals, and ways to get things free or really cheap yet barely get on the computer most days. How do you live your life without being on the internet? Some days I wish that were me. I am a slave to this stupid thing and long to be free. But there is crap to explore, deals to be had, and money to be made!
Plus who else could come on here and ramble incesently about stupid shit for the entertainment of others?

He's fallen and can't get up!

The King of Pop I mean. Truly I keep thinking about the demise of Michael Jackson and Ihave very mixed feelings. Was he an extraordinary artist with massive talent? Hell yes he was. Was he a complete freakin wack job with major issues? Hell yes he was.
Was there a chance that he could grow up normally? I doubt it. I mean he was a media darling early one when Joe wasn't beating the hell out of him. Of course he was perfectionist. I'm sure Daddy dearest took care of that need for him. It was his need to be with young boys that scared me the most. Seriously Michael? Did you not see that sharing a bed with a young boy, no matter how innocent your intentions, is just plain sick. Did you see the bedroom on the Matt Lauer interview? Small to say the least. All the better to catch little boys in I'm sure. I think he truly was trying to relive his childhood by surrounding himself with children and toys. The pale face thing? Well I might be persuaded to believe he had a skin disorder that prompted the lightening of all of it....but the plastic surgery...freakish at best. Honestly, why fuck your face up that bad? Was it an attempt to become "white"? I mean he bought sperm to get Debbie Rowe pregnant in order to have light skinned, fair haired children? Are we to believe that he fathered them? It's public knowledge he didn't. I'm sure he was a great dad if you need a full time playmate. Food and physical care was probably best left to the nanny.
Now as for all of the die-hard fans that have now come out of the woodwork...whatever. I liked him back in the day but today? I'm sure he was still a great performer but he was 50. A 50 year old freak! Probably a total perv as well. Save all the candles and accolades for people who actually did something to help the world. All of his time and effort went into stupid Neverland. He was no Oprah that's for sure.
Now he is gone and we will never know if his comeback was noteworthy. Sadly he has gone the way of Elvis and so many others who let fame steal their lives. I am tempted to download a whole bunch of songs onto my Ipod today. His music was great but let's be real people. If he were anyone else he would have been stoned in the streets for the shit he pulled. As a person he sucked. Dangling a baby off a balcony? I rest my case.

You're freakin kidding me?

Okay so this morning I call Discover about wanting to transfer some balance from HD to them. We paid a chunk to free up the room and BAM! They lower the credit limit so we can't. WHY? you ask. Let me tell you why. There are lazy ass losers in this world who run up their debt and then hide behind bankruptcy that's why! People who are responsible and work hard get screwed b/c of these idiots who can't see past their own needs and greed. Sure, why not? I mean how hard is it to run up all your cards and then walk away from the debt? If you are, oh say a crazy ass Ford loving douchebag who has no conscience, then you just let the companies take the hit and they take it out on people like us. It's not like you have anything anyway besides a trailerish jacked up house on cinder blocks, right? You settle for just above poverty level and instead of the wife working she stays home to raise the little vermin. And then you have the nerve to have another one AND name it after my child, who we can afford, and screw with the spelling on top of it! It's Tristan NOT TRYSTAN you stupid freaks! Perhaps these losers will hop in their brand spankin new used Focus and ride off the nearest cliff. A girl can hope!

Just for laughs

I got these in an email and thought they were post worthy:

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS. And some of them are named Tom-heehee

Exercise-the new four letter word

I freakin hate exercise. I'm not going to lie and try to convince people that sweat running down my crack is exciting or desirable. I do now know that it has become a necessary evil now that I am getting older. I look at my 92 yr old grandmother and see the extreme of the progression of aging and how she has given up fighting for her mobility and strength. At some point you have to make the decision to pick your ass up and start fighting for your health.
Turning 40 has become very enlightening in that respect. Having a baby at 40 really popped on a spotlight! You just don't bounce back after having a baby at 40. You also don't lose the weight with children 4-6 as you did with 1-3. Sad but true. I find myself fighting the battle of the bulge yet again. (disclaimer to say I am not as fat as the redheaded freak that Ford boy sent to spy on me on Twitter) I hate this battle but I consider what life will be like in a few years if I don't get in gear now.
A dear friend suggested the Wii active. I would like to kick her ass but my damn legs are too sore today so she is safe. It is a really fun way to get moving and burn calories without thinking too much. I started the 30 day program and will be glad to report at the end of 30 days how things went. I really like the boxing and volleyball but hate running in place and the inline skating. It is much like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant. You have to do it to get that comment. I plan on doing the low intensity for this 30 days and then moving up to med for 30 and then high for 30. That is 90 planned days of physical activity and may be the longest exercise commitment I have ever made. No one hold their breath please.
Now if there were a pill or machine that you just could get on to lose the inches and pounds I would trade....well just about anything for it! I may even be so desperate that I would turn in my Odyssey for a Ford Focus! Now that's desperate and sad! Sorry-had to.

I hate liars

Yes this another Jon and Kate post. Why not beat a dead horse, shall we? Kate must be distantly related to dear old JJ's dad as she has a penchant for lying. Add to that exaggerating, bullying, and denial.
I have DVR'd the recent shows and have some points to share. First of all she has spent so much time focusing on the bad behavior of Mady and the goodness of Cara that Mady is a freakin mess. The Globetrotter episode was so classic Mady. This is not fair, I hate that...blah blah blah. Well she is Kate after all. For all that saw that show you will notice that Jon has to justify to the camera the time he is spending on the computer at the advice of his insurance agent. Seriously? What could he possible need to look up that he can't get advice on from the guy? Porn sites is my guess. You go Jon! Anything on screen would be warmer than your wife. Oh and the gooshing kisses that Kate is placing on one of the boys...puleeze. Is that for the camera or what? She is so "look at me I'm a great mom" in public and a wretched banchee at home. Give it a rest Kate.
What else does Kate lie about....hmmmm...just about everything. Her whole demeaner is a fake. Does she really cook all those glorious meals? Doubtful. Hell she can't even make soup with kids in the house. When has she EVER done anything with the kids under foot come to think of it. Poor Jon is just another babysitter. She refuses to use a Nanny. Well that would make her look bad so Jon just got the job.
I know some people weren't happy with Jon for leaving her to plan the kids' party. Well that is just so freakin sad. When was the last time my DH helped with a b-day party? NEVER really. That ain't on his list and I handle it. She then dragged all of the kids to the party store to get decorations. Well first of all why didn't you just order the crap online and stay away from the public eye considering the shit going on? Oh, my bad. She needs to look like the martyr. Why wasn't Jon there? Easy. He didn't want to do a big huge party and she did. Can you see how that conversation went? Tough shit Jon. How all conversations go. I think I may try that for a few weeks and see how DH takes it.
Whether he cheated or not that marriage needed a wake-up call. They have different agendas. She wants all the fame, fortune, and perks. Who wouldn't? Seriously. If someone came to me tomorrow and said they wanted to pay me to capture all of our crazy shit on tape I would so take the $$. It would NOT be all happy organic and no lollipop life for sure. Hell my kids have potatoe chips for breakfast some days! Ummm how is that different than a freakin hashbrown? That's why God created vitamins afterall.
Sadly the show can and probably will go on without him. It might be good for people to see the mess that is divorce. Perhaps they would think twice about getting married and avoid disaster. It may be a learning experience for all of us. Only the poor kids are the ones that get hurt here. I would love to sit down with Kate's brother(who is now opening up all the juicy details) and get Kate's history of behavior. Was she really this nutty all the time or did motherhood push her over the edge? I know I am freakin crazy at times but I can't blame it on six kids or my DH.
That being said maybe all they need is Ford Focus to patch the marriage! Sorry couldn't help myself. Perhaps another child they can name Tristyn! Freakin losers.

McCain lost...get over it

It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who just can't get past the fact that Obama won. Personally I voted for him. Not only is he a history making president but he genuinely cares. That is not to say that McCain doesn't care. He just picked an idiot running mate. I said it once and I will say it again. If she can't run her own house she shouldn't be trying to run a country. Go home Sara! Your freakin daughter has a kid as the result of her bad judgement. And the father's family....how many ways can you say WHITE TRASH? But I digress.
The economy sucks right now and so many people are struggling. Will throwing money at it help? Maybe, maybe not but what else can the President do? If he let this very predictable downturn run its course the nation would be screaming to impeach him. Things will pick up b/c they have to. It's a cycle. The housing market had such a huge bubble it would be impossible to think it would not burst at some point. We live in one of those great big upside down mortgage houses but we made this bed and are dealing with it. What else is there to do?
What people need to do now is ask themselves what they can do. Maybe they need to change careers. Perhaps they need to move to an area that offers more in the way of diverse employment. Gone are the days when a small industry can run a town. I think we have learned that the hard way. Does it suck? Sure does. I have a really great friend whose DH has been unemployed since December. Is there a chance his job will reappear? Not really. So what does my beloved friend do? There are only 2 options. Find different work or move. Now I would LOVE for her to move near me of course but that would be hard since she is near her family. Her DH can continue to pick up work where he can but there is larger picture here. You need to consider health insurance, retirement, and security. Those are also things that have been hacked away at by the downturn. Some super hard decisions need to be made by people all over America. There are jobs and fields that remain relatively unaffected. I think many of them used to be those required college but some of them don't. Companies like Wal-Mart flourish in these times since they offer the lowest prices around. I hate Wal-Mart in my town since I am neither a NASCAR or tattoo type of person..but that's just me. You really can't beat them for prices though. I worked for Wal-Mart in grad school in the photo lab. They offer benefits and good ones at that. I exercised the stock purchase option which would be a great deal right now with the market down. It really isn't the best place to work but let's be honest here for a minute. The average IQ there isn't very far over "just plain dumb".
What my friend's misfortune has taught me that frugality isn't punishment and "things" don't define you. I sit here looking at my Nordstrom card longingly.....considering whether to buy the girls their annual pair of UGGS this fall. I think about the current GAP sale and wonder what great deals and cute clothes I may be missing. Then I think about the stress that comes with selling the clothes and stain removal. This summer I took a new attitude and shopped mostly at Old Navy and Crazy 8. We still have loads of GAP and some Boden...but the need to sell the clothes to recoup money is gone. Spend less and worry less. It is very liberating and I really hope to continue the trend for fall.
I love my friend and really wish she could move near me. Perhaps she will! I only ask that her DH leaves his family behind! LOL

If he weren't cute he'd be dead

I think that often about my 3 yr old son. There are days that he pushes me to the brink and back. What goes on in the mind of a 3 yr old boy? What possesses him to flush stuff down the toilet? Climb with his hands and feet into the cleaning lady's mop bucket? Roll on his brother? Color on the wall? Go get himself a Vitamin Water at 1 am and bring it to me to open? We'll never know. This little boy does stuff the older 2 never did. He knows how to pop popcorn in the microwave for crying out loud! WHAT HE SEES HE CAN DO! (I plan on blindfolding the baby here shortly to keep him out of the loop) There's no hiding things or tricking this little boy about anything. When you are number 5 you learn to run with the big dogs I guess.

Right now he is tired. He is laying on the love seat watching Special Agent OSO on Disney channel trying to keep his eyes open. That is my desperation move when he needs a nap. TV! Soon his lids will begin to droop and his head will flop and there will be peace in the house at least for a few hours. I will glance over at him as I have done many times and think, "He's so cute and that's what keeps me from killing him some days! LOL". Soon enough he will start preschool and then be off to Kindergarten and I will long for the days he was under my feet. Cherish these days I hear over and over again. I'm trying I really am!

Jon and 8 Hate Kate

This is what I would have named the show. I seriously doubt that immature "man" wanted sextuplets. Let's not pretend that Kate had no clue that a large number of babies would result from that pregnancy. She of all people knew what 4+ stimulated follicles could yield yet she went ahead with the IUI anyway. SHE WANTED another set of multiples so stop crying shock about it. That being said, Jon needed to be man enough to step up. They had kids way too early in their relationship. If he knew what she was really like I doubt things would have ended up the way they are now.
She isn't pleasant plain and simple. She is controlling, bossy, and a nag. It is no wonder that all of their "best friends" have since gone to the wayside. They can't take her...that and she no longer has a need for them. Once she is done with someone she casts them aside if you ask me. All the cavalry that charged in has been dismissed because there is only 1 General in this army.
Jon is a baby. He has let Kate walk all over him for years and has been humiliated in front of millions for the sake of $$$ and the fame Kate wants. She is the show for crying out loud and laps up the fame like a puppy.
The kids? Oh they are just unhappy pawns in all of this. She pimps them out. Madelyn is the outright brat who is so desperate for attention and validation I feel like sending her a one way ticket to the Dr Phil show. Cara...well who the hell is she? We know very little except that she is Kate's helper who is living in the shadow of her nutty twin. The sextuplets are super cute but may need to join Maddy with Dr Phil. Kate labeled and categorized them early on and they have little chance of changing how she sees them. They are who she says they are.
Did Jon cheat. Probably, or at least he tried. If the pic of him leaving that girls house in the AM are real then he was caught red-handed and Kate is right-he's mad about getting caught. What did the fool think? The media would overlook it?
I almost feel bad for Kate. No one deserves that and NO she did not drive him to it. She may have driven a wedge between them that created his lack of caring but he made his own choices. In the end I'm not sure who the kids would be better with. Kate will keep them safe and healthy, at least physically. Mentally they may be better off with Jon. He may even let them mix Playdo colors!

maybe I need to clarify..

we haven't owned a Toyota in years....but if we did buy another it would be their Lexus brand. We also don't rule out Volvo and BMW.
Now I really wonder why some people avoid imports. Is it Freudian? Is there an underlying cause that makes people shy away from things brought in and not originally from here? Interesting really. Good thing not everyone feels that way or some people would be ....well we won't go there.

The value of a dollar

Recently money has become a big topic in our house. "Will I get paid for it?" has become a very common question. Excuse me? You live here and are fed and clothed! No you won't get paid to do that! What is up with kids needing money to do the smallest task? Mow the lawn, wash the car(and I mean really wash and not just go through the motions in order to have a water fight), do household chores REGULARLY without being begged....stuff like that deserves a bit of a payment. However, if you are asked for the 20th time to put your shoes in your cubby, or you backpack in your cubby, or to simply pick your freakin dirty underwear off the floor...no payment. Payment is the fact that I have not yet killed you for having to repeat myself so many times.
Money has become the be all and end all of society it seems. Chasing it has become a fulltime job and hobby of most Americans. I like money and lots of it. I like designer clothes, my new Honda van with becoup bells and whistles, my big 'ole pool in the back yard, vacations to Hilton Head and Disney every year....you see where I am going with this. I don't see the need to worship money or act like I have something I don't have. These are the people that REALLY annoy me. We do need to reign in the spending and teach the value of a buck to our kids. DS thinks that when he gets his license he should be getting a new car. Now granted I see a small, but new import in his near future, but certainly not a 350z or something radical like that. Momma will be balding tires on her convertible sports car long before he gets one! Saving and prioritizing need to become more frequent topics in our house. Do I NEED it or just WANT it? What are all of my options? I see the need to create responsible spenders. Too many times people take short cuts to avoid being responsible..oh say insurance fraud or the popular walking away from the debt, but what does that teach the person? NADA freakin thing. Even worse it perpetuates a sense of bad money management that is passed on to the children. If you run up the bills pay the damn bills! We can live on very little when needed. Common sense people!

You make it look so easy

if only I had $1 for every time I heard that! It is by no means easy having 6 kids and I will never try to say otherwise. I do often say that it is downhill from number 3 as that seemed to be the hardest transition for me. I think I have just learned to let more go, drink wine more often, and laugh at myself more. Seriously, 6 kids? That's nuts from even where I am standing. I laugh at the show Jon & Kate plus 8. Just ridiculous really. Does she think 8 kids is that many? The Duggars could teach her a few things-like being nice for one. What I wouldn't give to only have had to be pregnant 2 times, potty train 3 times(she did the little boys/girls in 2 rounds), and to have a whipping boy as a husband. Her life really is a TV show...but I digress.Cooking, cleaning, laundry all would happen no matter how many kids we have so I really don't dwell on that. The amount of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry is what kills me. Diapers since 1995 is what kills me. Not sleeping through the night since late 1994..well that would kill most people but not me. LOLTime management is the hardest part especially with T being so ....babyish! Silly 5 month old! I get little done and when I do that is only doomed when you add in my serious ADD. Complete a task I cannot! The mess is visually assaulting at times but I can't stress about it. Little J destroys as much as I can clean up and more. Why bother until they have all gone to bed?! Well by that point I am too tired to pick up and it falls on DH who I know just loves me for it. As far as making it look easy..well I just think that the kids are used to being good in public, seriously. For the most part they behave badly just for us! I am okay with the noise and chaos that comes with 6 but it probably throws some people for a loop to witness our dinner table or watch us pile out of the van. I guess we are a site but as they say, "Better to have your hands full than empty!".
Then there are people who have kids dispite the reality that they can't afford them. Not that the government should sanction them but seriously who pays for all of the extra little tax burdens? Not the people who declare bankruptcy and walk away from debt and resposibility! Perhaps the government should say, "well if you can't pay your bills why are you bringing another mouth to feed into the world?" maybe if you suddenly found the means to have more kids you should repay a bit of that debt? No? Will these children seriously stand a chance of having the best of anything? Yes one can claim time spent with them, love, blah, blah, blah. But really what you are doing is repeating a cycle of irresponsible behavior and fortifying the need for government programs and aid that certain walks of life have become experts at exploiting. white trash

The power of numbers...

Different numbers have different meanings in my life in strange ways. Take the number 6. Obviously the number of heads I must account for when we venture out so that I don't leave anyone behind! It is also the number of beds to be made since T currently shares ours. It is on average the number of pairs of M's shoes laying out of her cubby and not in, the number of gallons of koolaid we seem to go through in a week(made with Splenda of course), the number of seats in a full row on the airplane( but now life is messy because we spill over into a another row leaving 2 lucky flyers to have some semblance o f peace and quiet), it is also the number of eggs I boil at one time and are quickly scrafed down by little J&D who only eat the white, and it is the number of times per day I have to remind myself that little J is not inherently evil and put on this earth to vex me to no end!I WISH it were the number of meals I needed to fix each week, the number of loads of laundry we do each week, and the number of vacations we took each year! A girl can dream can't she?
Then there are other numbers that have meaning. 1 is the number of bears that jump out in front of cars, if it really even did happen, and the number of trailers burned and dirtbikes stolen. 4, maybe more, is the number of cars that spontaneously combust! Not sure how that happens but I hear global warming may have something to do with it. 5-6 is the number of years that one can get sentenced with for losing the dirtbike twice-oops.
No matter how you look at numbers they all have a strange meaning in your life. Just look really hard and you will see!